I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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