If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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