sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
