So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This is my gift to your gina
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
