I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
