I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
