mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
