halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
