Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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