Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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