Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
