Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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