Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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