I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
