yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I feel like abortions should bother me more
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
