SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
