dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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