I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
