Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
