Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
