We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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