I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
