Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
