I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
