I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
