You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
