And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
