That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
