I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
