My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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