so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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