So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
