I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
