I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
