can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize