We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
