If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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