Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize