Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
just found out that she named her cat after me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Randomize
