just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
