i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
