i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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