Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
