Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
