she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
