If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
