Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
