R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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