dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
