the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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