So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
