yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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