piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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