it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
