i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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