I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Can I color on your dick again?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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