I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize