the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
