her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
