if i can run in heels then i can drive
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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