Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
