NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
