I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
