you guys were way drunker than both of me
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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