Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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