Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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