i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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