It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
