Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
