Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
