is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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