when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
