He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
