Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We have so much sex to catch up on
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
