Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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