Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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