omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
