Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
