That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
