I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
