i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize