I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
