You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
