you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
