You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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