...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
