it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
