I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
