they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
